Thoughts from Culhwch

Today is a U2 day. One of those days where U2 just seems like the right thing to listen to. I thouht I could listen to Coldplay… but I needed something a little different.

At work we are getting ready for the onslaught of the first year students. They’ll be in tomorrow, and the insanity will ensue. I think that’s the point where everything just goes wild, where students start crawling out of every open ventilation shaft like some sort of horror flick where spiders spew from everywhere. Ok… so maybe I shouldn’t compare students to spiders or some sort of infestation. Still, from the way it sounds things will start getting pretty crazy. I guess that’s ok though, it’s what I signed up for, and besides I work better with a little bit pressure, right?

In other news its really hot. Really hot. Here’s to hoping it will cool off tomorrow. Tonight I feel like writing. I think I’ll get going on my Great American Novel. It’s funny everybody keeps trying to write it, but has anyone ever really succeeded? I mean if everybody feels compelled to try to write it why haven’t we seen it yet? Perhaps it has to do with the multiplicity of possible concepts for such a creation -not least of the problems the impossibility of defining “American.” In the context it seems to be both mythical and yet experienced. The Great American Novel has to reside it many places at once. It has to speak to a common sense of who we are as a people, of where we are and what it means to be American. On the other hand it must also  refer to something which is unseen, unheard, unexperienced. I guess the real question is, is that fabricated from the author’s imagination, or is it a vision of the future, somehow prophetic in the way it calls people back to a founding vision which must actually precede all sense of peoplehood and reside further back and further forward, linking the present to a past and a future which transcends the boundaries established by the commonality which would make it American. To be less enigmatic, might the Great American Novel be less American and more religious? Might it call a people toward Godliness?

~david

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything particularly thoughtful here, so I figured I would go ahead and try. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently, but one thing that has really gotten me thinking is trying to pinpoint exactly what it means to be free from fear. We read in John(?) that perfect love drives out fear. The thing is, there are only a handful of times that I remember ever being really free from all kinds of fear. They are these short lived moments, when I realize that absolutely nothing can separate me from the love of God. But it’s not just a realization, like some sort of thought that just rushes through the head. Its a a whole state of being, a kind of existence that intimately connects me to where I am. ts like a way of living in the moment. But it is so much more -not just in the moment but simultaneously through it. It’s like the here and the now become simultaneously more vivid, somehow more real, more opaque, and yet completely translucent, since I become at the same time aware of the connections that bridge between the moments. I become aware of the timeless, and temporal conjunction that we see in the divine and human presence of Christ, and Christ as risen lord. It is somehow the moment when I look out and see my savior and know that he is the Christ.

At that very moment I know that Christ has conquered death and the grave. I know that wherever I am the one who is good is there. That even should I face my own death, I have absolutely nothing to fear.

The trouble is that these moments of clarity come and go. They wash over like the waves of the sea, only to withdraw again. I shall call these moments a taste of heaven. I have a feeling that very few experience that utter lack of fear, that soothing peace that assures us that no anxiety, no imagination of the terrors that might be or might have been, can ever hold their meaning though eternity. From time to time these present troubles, these worries of the world, these weeds are plucked up, and the seeds of something far more real, far more permanent, in short the beginning of something that may truly abide begin to grow.

Should we worry when these moments are only temporary? Certainly not. That would be like being afraid because we are afraid. The message of the gospel is that Christ has conquered death and the grave, has conquered sin, and brought us reconciliation. And that message is the message of God’s perfect love… perfect love which drives out fear. No cycle of fear can live in that kind of love.

So what are we to do? I’m not really sure. Is it even a question of our doing?  I’m not really sure how it all connects, but when I look on it, I know it does.

Well, I’ve been on the job for one week. So far it’s been pretty slow, since most of the projects I’ll be working on will require meetings with professors and the like. For some of those projects we’re not exactly sure who the professor is going to be.

I guess I should say having a job is loads of fun, but honestly, who would really believe that? It is nice to come in and earn a living, though.

I think the first few weeks are always a little stressful too, since I’m constantly trying to figure out if I really am good enough. I think that’s just built into my personality. Whenever I come into some place new I always feel like I have to establish myself, or prove that I can fit in, or whatever. The funny thing is, when I’m not bothered by that, I usually just find my place and go on like there wasn’t ever a possibility of my not fitting in in the first place. I guess the lesson is that I really shouldn’t worry so much… funny how that lesson keeps popping up in my life.

I have also definitively established that my old blade grinder makes it very hard to make espresso any better than mediocre. This after a complex procedure of slowly filtering out the finer and regrinding the larger grounds, until I could come up with some sense of consistency. Also… the plastic tamper that comes with the Silvia may make a nice decoration, but not much else, given that it is approximately two millimeters smaller than the filter basket. But not to worry Rocky should be on his way soon, along with a 58 mm tamper. Also, when I get the money (which won’t be soon now), I should probably get a full sized filter basket, since the laMarzoco filter baskets are supposed to fit in the rancilio portafilters… I think that’s what I read somewhere… or maybe it was that the LaMarzoco portafilters fit on rancilio machines… anyway… I’ll probably enjoy the extra room for more grounds.

So, when I’m board and there’s nothing else to do, I spend all day looking at coffee machines. Then I found this mod for a Rancilio Silvia… it uses an Arduino micro-controller board and nice display, and a wii-chuck. Yes, a wii-chuck. Check the link and watch the video. The nice thing about implementing a PID in a micro-controller is that you can do so much else besides just keep the temp where you want it. So cool. And it’s probably cheaper than just buying a 150 dollar PID temp controller. Total parts on just implementing the temp controller probably around 75… for putting all this other stuff in here, probably around 175.

Oh and I got my first almost acceptable shot out of Nunzio’s old little moka pot. It was much better when I overloaded the filter basket twice and pushed down with the back of my spoon to level it. Since the water pressure comes from bellow, I think the secret is having the grounds level with the top, so that nothing can slide around inside the filter basket as the pressure comes up from below. The second thing, which may actually be just as important as the other, was that since my moka pot was too small and was slipping through the grates on my range, I stuck it in a saucepan with about 3/4 inch of water. My guess is that the double boiler technique stabilized the temp of the moka pot, keeping the top from overheating. While the bottom stayed in contact with saucepan, the sides were stabilized by the boiling water, so they couldn’t get up above 212.

Also, I was using a blade grinder! How crazy is that? I mean I was shocked that the coffee came out as good as it did. Still not a ristretto, but pretty good for as many variables as are completely out my control….

So I was at a Bible study last night, and the question was to try to define faith… I’m still working this out a little, but I’m somewhere along the lines of the following. Faith is when we give up the illusion of our own control, and yet retain the grounds of our hope that God’s promises are still good, despite our own inability to see them through. It’s a start. But I think having faith that my coffee will come out ok every time with a blade grinder may be a little off center.

~david

Is our current understanding of temporality the result of sin? It strikes me as rather peculiar that our understanding of time and sin both have a very similar structure. Let me explain.

Time: As much as philosophers love to play with definitions of temporality, and deny or proclaim its existence, I wish only to describe how I might perceive time. For me, temporality is a condition such that actions performed gain a sort of un-undoability. That which is performed cannot be un-performed. If I put it this way, time becomes a constraint upon me, dictating that at any given point certain actions cannot be changed.

Sin: The state of sin is such that having performed it, we can never un-perform it, we can never make our selves sinless.

Is the fallen state of humanity related to the constraint of temporality? Maybe, and maybe not. But they do seem highly related. I cannot go back an un-sin. I cannot change my past sinfulness. This is a condition both of sinfulness, and of temporality, as I have described it. But I wonder what temporality might look like if there was no need to un-do the past. If every moment was also the opportunity to be what we should be (or want to be?) in every moment, both past and present. Is the constraint of temporality also the constraint of sinfulness? Would temporality lose the constraint on the un-undoability of the past if sin were not there? Would it retain that constraint, but suddenly not be a constraint, since without sin, there would be no need to un-do the past? I’m rambling questions off the top of my head. I really don’t know what I’m getting into here. But something seems to be related.

Grace: What might grace be then? I wonder if it is not a sort of new kind of temporality, a breaking down of the temporal condition which dictates the un-undoability of the past. God gives us grace, but what is that grace? Is is the un-doing of sin and the undoing of our temporality. Does grace actually un-do the constraint of temporailty as well as the contraint of sinfulness?

Questions, and more questions…

What do you think?

So, I’m getting mini blinds today. I figured I should get some kind of privacy in here. Also, I decided that I want Roman shades for curtains. My mom said there was a pattern at the fabric store. So, maybe I can score some really cool curtains on my trip back home. Though it may be that I will have to do some of the sewing myself. Is it ok to admit that you know how to sew? Yes, “tailor” is a manly occupation. Especially if you ever watched Star Trek DS9. Everybody remembers Garak, the tailor who always seemed part psychopath. You were never sure what he was really doing behind the scenes. … So I’m geeking out now. Maybe I’ll check out the Bay Ridge blogs and see if anything cool is happening this weekend. I need to meet some neighbors.

Is it weird to check out your neighborhood from your window at eleven o’clock at night? Well, that’s what I was doing last night. Overall a pretty quiet street. The weekends were a little louder, but on a sunday night everything settled down at about 10:15 – 10:30. A few random people were walking up and down the street. But no loiterers. That makes me feel better about my choice of home. Overall the neighborhood is really cool. There is a sizable immigrant community here. Especially in my corner of Bay Ridge. I’m currently at an coffee place which shall be un-named for the moment. Since, I need internet access, and this place has it. I also needed coffee, and I don’t know a place to get recent roasts yet. But all in due time.

It’s nice to have a place all to oneself. No more roommates making messes that I have to clean up. (Or Vice Versa) . Every mess is my mess. Sweet.

I need to tell the super about the couple of problems I’ve found in the apartment. One, the glass is cracked in one of my bedroom windows. Two, there’s a faint smell of natural gas around my cabinet. I think it’s natural gas, but it may just be something else, since the gas is supposed to be turned off until the 22nd when the gas co. comes out to turn it on.

Anyway, I’m going to have to get some lunch now, and take a walk and explore more of my neighborhood.

Also, I just want to thank all of my wonderful friends who helped me move in on Saturday as well as those who weren’t able to help out so much.

~david

PS Expect a house warming party in July or August, as well as a 4th of July Party, or something like that.

PPS Pictures of the place coming soon.