Thoughts from Culhwch

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything particularly thoughtful here, so I figured I would go ahead and try. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently, but one thing that has really gotten me thinking is trying to pinpoint exactly what it means to be free from fear. We read in John(?) that perfect love drives out fear. The thing is, there are only a handful of times that I remember ever being really free from all kinds of fear. They are these short lived moments, when I realize that absolutely nothing can separate me from the love of God. But it’s not just a realization, like some sort of thought that just rushes through the head. Its a a whole state of being, a kind of existence that intimately connects me to where I am. ts like a way of living in the moment. But it is so much more -not just in the moment but simultaneously through it. It’s like the here and the now become simultaneously more vivid, somehow more real, more opaque, and yet completely translucent, since I become at the same time aware of the connections that bridge between the moments. I become aware of the timeless, and temporal conjunction that we see in the divine and human presence of Christ, and Christ as risen lord. It is somehow the moment when I look out and see my savior and know that he is the Christ.

At that very moment I know that Christ has conquered death and the grave. I know that wherever I am the one who is good is there. That even should I face my own death, I have absolutely nothing to fear.

The trouble is that these moments of clarity come and go. They wash over like the waves of the sea, only to withdraw again. I shall call these moments a taste of heaven. I have a feeling that very few experience that utter lack of fear, that soothing peace that assures us that no anxiety, no imagination of the terrors that might be or might have been, can ever hold their meaning though eternity. From time to time these present troubles, these worries of the world, these weeds are plucked up, and the seeds of something far more real, far more permanent, in short the beginning of something that may truly abide begin to grow.

Should we worry when these moments are only temporary? Certainly not. That would be like being afraid because we are afraid. The message of the gospel is that Christ has conquered death and the grave, has conquered sin, and brought us reconciliation. And that message is the message of God’s perfect love… perfect love which drives out fear. No cycle of fear can live in that kind of love.

So what are we to do? I’m not really sure. Is it even a question of our doing?  I’m not really sure how it all connects, but when I look on it, I know it does.

Well, I’ve been on the job for one week. So far it’s been pretty slow, since most of the projects I’ll be working on will require meetings with professors and the like. For some of those projects we’re not exactly sure who the professor is going to be.

I guess I should say having a job is loads of fun, but honestly, who would really believe that? It is nice to come in and earn a living, though.

I think the first few weeks are always a little stressful too, since I’m constantly trying to figure out if I really am good enough. I think that’s just built into my personality. Whenever I come into some place new I always feel like I have to establish myself, or prove that I can fit in, or whatever. The funny thing is, when I’m not bothered by that, I usually just find my place and go on like there wasn’t ever a possibility of my not fitting in in the first place. I guess the lesson is that I really shouldn’t worry so much… funny how that lesson keeps popping up in my life.

I have also definitively established that my old blade grinder makes it very hard to make espresso any better than mediocre. This after a complex procedure of slowly filtering out the finer and regrinding the larger grounds, until I could come up with some sense of consistency. Also… the plastic tamper that comes with the Silvia may make a nice decoration, but not much else, given that it is approximately two millimeters smaller than the filter basket. But not to worry Rocky should be on his way soon, along with a 58 mm tamper. Also, when I get the money (which won’t be soon now), I should probably get a full sized filter basket, since the laMarzoco filter baskets are supposed to fit in the rancilio portafilters… I think that’s what I read somewhere… or maybe it was that the LaMarzoco portafilters fit on rancilio machines… anyway… I’ll probably enjoy the extra room for more grounds.

So, when I’m board and there’s nothing else to do, I spend all day looking at coffee machines. Then I found this mod for a Rancilio Silvia… it uses an Arduino micro-controller board and nice display, and a wii-chuck. Yes, a wii-chuck. Check the link and watch the video. The nice thing about implementing a PID in a micro-controller is that you can do so much else besides just keep the temp where you want it. So cool. And it’s probably cheaper than just buying a 150 dollar PID temp controller. Total parts on just implementing the temp controller probably around 75… for putting all this other stuff in here, probably around 175.

Oh and I got my first almost acceptable shot out of Nunzio’s old little moka pot. It was much better when I overloaded the filter basket twice and pushed down with the back of my spoon to level it. Since the water pressure comes from bellow, I think the secret is having the grounds level with the top, so that nothing can slide around inside the filter basket as the pressure comes up from below. The second thing, which may actually be just as important as the other, was that since my moka pot was too small and was slipping through the grates on my range, I stuck it in a saucepan with about 3/4 inch of water. My guess is that the double boiler technique stabilized the temp of the moka pot, keeping the top from overheating. While the bottom stayed in contact with saucepan, the sides were stabilized by the boiling water, so they couldn’t get up above 212.

Also, I was using a blade grinder! How crazy is that? I mean I was shocked that the coffee came out as good as it did. Still not a ristretto, but pretty good for as many variables as are completely out my control….

So I was at a Bible study last night, and the question was to try to define faith… I’m still working this out a little, but I’m somewhere along the lines of the following. Faith is when we give up the illusion of our own control, and yet retain the grounds of our hope that God’s promises are still good, despite our own inability to see them through. It’s a start. But I think having faith that my coffee will come out ok every time with a blade grinder may be a little off center.

~david